Tell me every shirtless, mulleted, dirtbag & every skezzy, future octomom, hairspray queen in the "classic footage" didn’t become a bloated, middle-aged, Glenn Beck Fan? Is there a "Glenn Beck Parking Lot"? And if not, there soon will be; as "parking lotting" has become quite the hip thang to film. The Chunklet Parking Lot would be 4 to 7 bitter guys hanging around outside a BBQ joint making retard jokes. (But they’d be funny jokes).

Until next year, shipping on all orders on chunklet.com (at least domestically) is free!

Get on it!

Also, Asshole Santa is making an appearance at Criminal Records on December 12 with Crappy the Elf and Dave from Aqua Teen Hunger Force. Should be a scream!

Y’know, it’s funny. Around 1990, I was convinced that there were no better live bands on the planet than Fugazi and The Jesus Lizard. And here it is almost 20 years later and I spent many a night following the latter across the planet (just like the ol’ days) and I got to have my post-teenager sentiments reinforced as I watched four men all hovering around fifty years old fucking sweep the floor with their younger counterparts asses on a nightly basis. No question about it.

One thing I didn’t particularly enjoy at these shows were the jag bags that were crowd surfing. I know, I know. I’m a fucking drag for saying that, but when Yow does it, he’s a professional. When some yahoo with lumberjack boots does it, people get clobbered in the noggin. Sorry, it’s the truth and it’s lame. But man, I remember Fugazi. I remember Fugazi telling people not to do it. And looking back on it, I think what a loving request it was. Even when I was 19 or 20, I’d deal with the jocks being violent, but Fugazi stood their ground and defended the majority of a crowd that wanted to enjoy themselves and not get injured in the process.

Ice cream eatin’ motherfuckers…

So it was with great pleasure when James Burns contacted me to tell me he had assembled a 40+ minute montage of Fugazi stage banter. And is it sad that I could name which shows some of the banter came from? That’s sad, right? Anyway….

Please enjoy and (if you’re old enough) remember how blissfully intense their shows were. God, when will ATP get FUGAZI to reunite?! I’ll be there, front and center.

Fugazi – Having Fun On Stage With Fugazi

When I moved to Athens, Porn Orchard cast a pretty big shadow. At least to my 22 year old self they did. They had records out on a national label (although C/Z’s legacy is now mightily tarnished) and toured. Hell, even in Pennsylvania I had heard of them playing around! To me, they were the upper classmen. And damn talented ones at that.

I got to see Porn Orchard play a handful of times in the fall of 1992. I was still staying in the background and not really meeting people, so it’d be long after PO fell apart that I got to meet all the guys in the band and all of their lovely friends (many of whom still return my calls!).

Ted, Curtis and Sam: Porn Orchard

I really don’t feel like there’s much to say about Porn Orchard that you can’t read in this "Where Are They Now?" feature in Flagpole from a number of years ago, but there you go.

As everybody knows by now, Ted died a little over a couple years ago and it was shortly thereafter that digital versions of both of PO’s demo tapes surfaced and just so they don’t disappear, I’m having them be part of the permanent Chunklet archive for people to check out.

Porn Orchard live (photo: Ballard?)

And what kickstarted my interest in posting this stuff? Well, Curtis Pernice emailed me a couple days ago to let me know that footage from the final Porn Orchard show has finally been posted on-line. I’ve included one clip here that might not start the best (nor be the most representative of the band), but you get to see a glimpse of downtown Athens in ’92 as they’re "backstage" out on the Washington Ave. I just find it funny to look in the front row and see all the jokers that are still close friends of mine to this day. So awesome.

Porn Orchard – Sunday Sounds Good (KTPS demo)

Porn Orchard – Devil Door (KTPS demo)

Porn Orchard – Don’t Change The Sheets (KTPS demo)

Porn Orchard – Desperate Formula (KTPS demo)

Porn Orchard – Sledgehammer (HTRPH demo)

Porn Orchard – This Reflex (HTRPH demo)

Porn Orchard – Circles (HTRPH demo)

Porn Orchard – Make Yourself Ugly (HTRPH demo)

Porn Orchard – Blindly (HTRPH demo)

Porn Orchard – Barbie (HTRPH demo)

Can you do a Floyd / Sabbath mash-up…on accordion…in the Eastern Block?
Yeah, that’s what I thought.

Getting phone calls at three in the morning on a Saturday night are never a good sign, and the one I got last night is no exception. Fred Weaver called and left a message on my voice mail which I immediately returned to get some of the most grim news of my life.

Jerry Fuchs, drummer extraordinaire, illustrator par excellence, Chunklet contributor and rock solid friend, died last night. I’m still awaiting to get more news, but here’s what I know: Jerry was at a party in Brooklyn and fell down an elevator shaft. He was immediately rushed to the hospital where he was admitted in critical condition. Shortly after, he died in the early hours of Sunday, November 8 while an entire waiting room of friends were there for him.

I originally met Jerry when he was a newly enrolled student at UGA in 1993 at the University of Georgia. He and I met at Frijoleros on Lumpkin in downtown Athens while I was on assignment to write a feature about his band The Martians for The Flagpole. Thanks to our mutual adoration of Bitch Magnet and Bastro, it took but a few minutes for us to become quick friends. Even in his teens, Jerry was a spectacular drummer, but you could tell he was just starting to grow into his talents.

We’d routinely drive into the big city of Atlanta to go record shopping and see his family up in Marietta. Upon meeting his family, I could see why Jerry was as irrepressibly sweet, cordial and kind as he was. His younger brother, Adam, was still a little kid when I met him and he would always worship the ground his older brother walked on. His mutual interest in illustrating took him to work at Adult Swim for the past several years, but has always been his brother’s biggest cheerleader. He did the illustrations for a Maserati video a few years back and has always been in the front row of his older brother’s gigs. Adam’s twin sister was always around and although she had special needs, you would never know it by being around the Fuchs family. I never met Jerry’s elder sister, but I knew enough of her to know that they were all very tight and loved each other very much. And of course, Jerry’s parents were overwhelmingly supportive and loving of their son Jerry’s undeniable talents. They cooked dinner for me a number of times and would show me embarrassing photos of a younger Jerry with dreadlocks and then take me around to the room where Jerry’d practice his drums. I always felt that they were unbelievably proud of their four children.

Jerry Fuchs. At my house, 1993.

As Jerry’s time in Athens wore on, our friendship blossomed. The band he was in, The Martians, was a temporary situation. Once he was out of the band, he started performing with a number of musicians in town. Most notably, he played with Space Cookie and Nuçi Phillips in an as of yet untitled project (which’d eventually be called Koncak).

To me, Jerry seemed frustrated in Athens, and that’s when fate stepped in. One day, while I was goofing off at my job at the University of Georgia, I was trawling the usenet newsgroups when I saw Jon Fine (formerly of Bitch Magnet) soliciting for a new drummer for his band Vineland. I reached out to Jon and told him of the best under-utilized drummer in Athens named Jerry Fuchs. Not knowing how Jerry would react to me doing this on his behalf, I went to Jerry and told him I involuntarily threw his name into the ring for drummer of Vineland.

Soon thereafter, Jon and Jerry were routinely chatting on the phone, and shortly after that Jerry took a school break to go up to New York. What the hell? It couldn’t hurt to try something new, right? Of course, almost immediately, Mr. Fine enlisted Jerry to his band. Jerry wrapped up his semester and then quickly moved to New York. Through Vineland, I became pals with Jon (who interviewed Roger Miller for Chunklet) and Fred Weaver (who wrote the brilliant Don Cab tour diary in issue 16) and those friendships still resonate today. I helped put on Vineland’s gig at the Landfill (at 660 Reese Street) in the spring of ’96 which was the first time I saw the newly minted NYC Jerry in action…and it was oh-so-sweet. Jerry worked on the stock exchange floor during those years and he seemed happy.

Shortly after that gig in ’96, Jerry started jamming with Scott and Justin from Pitchblende in a band that would eventually become Turing Machine. During his tenure in Turing Machine, he came back to Athens to finish his design degree and we spent time together when we could fit in each other’s schedule. In total, Jerry contributed his unique and hysterical illustrations to seven issues of Chunklet.

cTad Kubler

By this point, watching Jerry play drums was like eating cupcakes while getting a deep back massage. His moves were getting more and more powerful while looking more and more effortless. One time Turing Machine played in Atlanta in 2000, Jerry got in a fender bender using his parent’s minivan as the rest of his band and I were more quickly saying "Jerry… Jerry?!? JERRY?! JERRY!!!!!" in the backseat as he zoomed closer to a car in front of him. It’s random moments like that which are popping up as I type this quasi-obituary for one of my closest friends.

As the new millennium started gearing up, there was a obvious reason why Jerry started playing with all the DFA-affiliated bands (The Juan Maclean, !!!, etc.) as time went on: He was an invaluable monster on the drums that could recreate those motorik-like disco beats and make it sound human. Goddamn, the hair on the back of my neck stands on end when I think about it. Recent years saw him reaffirm his roots in Athens as he became the incredibly propulsive backbone to Maserati after they gave their original drummer the boot. And man, again, watching Jerry perform was always a treat. ALWAYS.

The last time I saw Jerry was in the early morning hours in Toronto at NXNE a few months ago. We were staying at the same hotel and bumped into each other in the lobby. He was just coming back from a gig with The Juan Maclean and I was coming back from a show I had curated elsewhere in town. We had a frazzled and hasty, yet friendly, late night chat concluded with Jerry saying "I’ll call you soon." And that was that.

Which brings me to the early hours of this lovely Sunday morning in Georgia when Jerry’s family, bandmates, loved ones and friends had the floor yanked out from underneath us. Jerry Fuchs (aka Gerhardt, Gerard, Jerry J. Jeromey, Jerome, et. al.) is dead. The vague details of how he died in the first paragraph is all I know right now. But what will I remember about Jerry? There’s so much that I don’t even know where to start. I’d have to start with his kind-hearted nature. He was a sweet man. Thoughtful. Generous. To add to that, he was easy to make laugh and laugh at. A robust sense of humor punctuated with genuine bouts of derisive laughter. Jerry was prematurely grey even when I knew him in the mid-90s which I always found entertaining. He was modest while being self-effacing and incredibly accommodating. His illustration and design work was strong and unique. The drawings he did in Chunklet always made me laugh because Jerry "got it" so quickly (unlike many illustrators that have come and gone). And his drumming? I’d confidently put Jerry in the pantheon of stellar drummers and I don’t know anybody who even casually knew or saw perform Jerry who would disagree with me.

Jerry Fuchs is survived by his parents, an older sister, a younger brother and sister along with nephews and nieces. Additionally, Jerry is survived by an impressive canon of records on which he’s performed, countless mouth-agape audiences in awe of his work, dozens of heart-crushed former bandmates, and an endless parade of true friends around the world. Jerry, your influence was profound and far-reaching.

Goodbye, Jerry.

UPDATE: Gothamist report.

MEMORIAL SERVICE (ATLANTA): Services for Jerry will be Tuesday, Nov. 17th at 7:30pm, St. Anns Catholic Church in East Cobb, Marietta, Ga.

MEMORIAL (ATHENS): 40 Watt Club following the service in Marietta.

POSTSCRIPT: As news develops about Jerry’s funeral arrangements, you can come visit this site for up-to-date information. My sincerest condolences go out to Jerry’s family.

…doing what he does best.

So as you know, I’m not one to make this site a platform for charity, but when it’s somebody near and dear to me like Jason Noble, I throw caution to the wind and go for it.

I met Jason in 1994 when Rodan performed in Georgia and we all became quick pals. The band stayed at my house and on the drive down to Atlanta, Jason was told of the "Henry Dance" which was composed by Chunklet contrib (and all around drumming bad ass) Jerry Fuchs. So, of course, during Rodan’s set that night, they asked for me to come up and dance the dance during one of their songs. As years have gone by, Jason never fails to bring that stupid dance up. And yes, that’s just the tip of the iceberg. Apart from being an incredibly talented musician and artist, he’s been a guiding force in Rachels, Shipping News, RMSN and, of course, Rodan. Jason’s a fucking stand-up guy and it’s a crying shame that we live in a country that’s so bogged down with shit that we all have to band together to take care of our own, but I guess that’s what we have to do.

With that out of the way, Chad Castetter got in touch and wanted to see if we could help and of course, I’m more than happy to oblige for such an awesomely awesome fella like Jason.

Jason Noble with Shipping News, Atlanta ’97

From Chad: "I’m not sure if you knew, but Jason Noble (Rodan, Rachel’s, and all-around great guy) was diagnosed with cancer a couple of months ago. He had part of a lung removed and started chemo about a week and a half ago.  His hospital bills are piling up as the days go by.  We’re having a benefit show here in Louisville this month to try and put a small dent in his astronomical bills.  It’ll be a great show for a good cause.  The line-up is The Web (a reunion show for these local legends), Shannon Wright, and Shellac.  It’s on Saturday, November 21st, 8:00 pm at the 930 listening room.  The address is 930 Mary Street, Louisville.  Tickets are $17 in advance and $20 day of show.  People can also hit their website for info, as well."

So obviously, to see such a group of people come together to help Jason is touching, but he needs REAL help, oh readers of Chunklet. If you live close, go support. If you don’t, get in touch about where to send money. Suffering through cancer is horrible enough without having to bother your friends to flip the bill, but if you can kick in some bucks, it’d go a long way to helping Jason.

OH! And if you want up to the minute updates as to how Jason’s doing, click here.

Seriously, give. That is all.

So over the past couple weeks, I’ve been talking with a one Teddy Leo about a Misfits cover band that he’s participating in tonight at Johnny Brendas called (wait for it)….TV Casualty.

Without question, The Misfits are inextricably tied to Hallowe’en. Additionally, this past week, I have seen all my Chicago friends photographed inside Corey Rusk’s Misfits coffin as T&G moves? Anyway, I digress.

Crunches? Seriously?

I seem to listen to this EP every three or four months just outta shock value and thought I’d share it: The Misfats. Yes, you heard it right. The world’s biggest Misfits cover band. I think their site does a better job of explaining their position than I ever could. Just brace yourself.

The Misfats called it quits last year and so now I feel completely comfortable in posting their entire EP seeing as how they’re not selling it any more. Enjoy!

The Misfats – Hungry Moments

The Misfats – Don’t Open That Mayonnaise

The Misfats – Last CarButterCass

The Misfats – Mommy, Can I Go Out And Grill Tonight?

The Misfats – Private Bidness

The Misfats – Butter

The Misfats – Last Carcass

In the time I’ve been selling records on eBay, I’ve run across some neurotic folks. But man, NOW there’s this handy little PDF that’s circulating around the net to grind the gears of anybody that KNOWS WHAT THEY’RE DOING better than any of these shitheels.

Anybody ever heard how 78 collectors ship ONE record? It’s one wooden crate with the record suspended inside and the crate is suspended inside ANOTHER crate. Fucking nerds.

….okay, now fuck off and leave me alone, nerd!

On a more positive note, I just posted a mountain of posters straight from Mr. Rusk onto eBay. Rapeman, Big Black, Buttholes, Die Kreuzen (!!!!), Killdozer (!?!?!), Didjits, Urge Overkill, Hyenas, The Jesus Lizard, Scratch Acid and many others. It’s been an absolute THRILL to circulate these for Corey.

Record packing PDF
http://chunklet.com/wp-content/uploads/original-site/audio/Record_Packing_Instructions_A4.pdf

Can we put a moratorium on people dying for a while? This news is just too sad. I can’t imagine dying at 44 from throat cancer. I remember Chuck mostly for his work with DOA and Black Flag, but he also was with Danzig and myriad other artists.

UPDATE: I’ve been informed this all might be a hoax. Please click on the link above for up-to-date information regarding this.

Hi. I’m still alive! Please don’t hate me.

CONFIRMED: Read about the (thankful) hoax here.